How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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