I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
