Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
