my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
