sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
