How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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