I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
