You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
