Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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