Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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