i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
