You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
