Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
