omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
