I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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