He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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