Duck Duck Cougar?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
