this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
