she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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