she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
