i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
worst night to have a conscience
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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