just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
