Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
