He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
