Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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