I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
