i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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