I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
