Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
