In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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