sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
