Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
