she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
