i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
