I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
