Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
