She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
