I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
