my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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