Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
