Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
