god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
