It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
