Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
