I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
