Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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