I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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