could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
