you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
