They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize