Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
