i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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