I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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