I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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