she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
