Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
