Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
