I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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