I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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