You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
