cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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